Q "My husband left me with two children and we share
custody. He sometimes refuses to see them and when he
does he has someone else watch them. I tell them that he
doesn’t really want anything to do with them, he also buys
them what they want any time they want it. I can’t compete."
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A Firstly, I am sorry to hear that your husband has left; it is
a devastating and emotional time for you all. You need to be
strong and make the transition easier for the children. If you
were having marital problems with no resolution in sight,
perhaps it is better to separate for the children’s emotional
well being.
Sometimes, parents use the children to retaliate against each
other, maybe its not that he doesn’t want to see the children
but rather hurt you. Are you sure that he refuses to see them
or is he refusing to see or deal with you? You need to make
sure the two of you communicate with each other and do what
is best for your children, not what is best for you.
Don’t confuse the children by making them pick sides even if
you feel you are the hurt party. They will need the love of
both parents to get through this, be positive even if you don’t
feel it! The responsibility of bringing the family through this
terrible time lies with the adults; the emotional impact will
lessen if you both act in a reasonable manner.
As far as the monetary aspect, children value their time with
both parents rather than the monetary benefits that each one
can offer. Spending quality time with them and showing them
that they are loved is priceless.
If you have exhausted all avenues with your husband and he
truly doesn’t want to see them then you have to accept this.
Just make sure that you explain to the children clearly that he
still loves them but is unable to se them at this time. They
need you to be strong and make them feel secure and loved.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself, get counseling if
necessary.