Q "My 11 year old is starting to answer back and be very
secretive, all she wants to do is sit in her room and listen to
music. She hits her sisters and doesn’t listen to me, what is
happening to my little girl!"
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A Even though she will always be your little girl you need to
stop treating her like one. Puberty can begin at an even
younger age than eleven and it seems to be younger every
year. Now is the time to act though, before she starts getting
into things she doesn’t know how to handle. When children
are going through the transition into adulthood I think this is
the hardest time for them as well as parents. You thought
potty training was hard! The more solid the foundation you
have laid with your daughter the better you will be able to
handle it.
Respect that your daughter needs some space and that the
other children may not be giving her that. The more you start
treating her differently the better her response will be. I am
not saying that she should not follow your house rules but
think about how you can compromise and give her some
space. Have you tried to listen to the music she is in to?
Communication is key at this age and if you understand some
of the things she may be interested in it will give you some
common ground.
Try and spend some one on one time with her but don’t
exclude the other children because you don’t want to cause
resentment. This in between age is difficult because although
she may still enjoy the things hers sisters do she may not
always pretend to like them. Peer pressure is more prevalent
at this age and talking to her friends and other parents will
help also. Have you ruled out anything that may be affecting
her outside the home, maybe something happening at school
or with friends? Tweens often fall out with their best friends
and it seems like a Shakespearian tragedy at the time.
I am sure that you are thinking that the eleven years have
gone by too fast and she can’t be growing up this early before
your eyes. As sure as the sun shines it is happening and you
have to get on top of it. Talk to her!